This year that just passed has been amazing, Annie and I have grown closer now a husband and wife. We love each other every day a little more and we can’t help but want to spend every waking moment together.

The baby has grown immensely; he can run, jump and will talk your ear off if you let him. I look back at this year and the one before and I can’t recall ever being this happy.

Right after our wedding Annie undertook a huge challenge, she bowed to lose weight in order to be healthy. We want to have more kids and it is her goal to be completely fit before doing so.

So far she has lost close to 70lbs and I couldn’t be more proud, she looks absolutely amazing; she has more energy than I can keep up with and even her demeanor has changed. I cannot wait until she reaches her goal.

BEFORE	AFTER

I have also undertaken this challenge recently since I’ve gained considerable amount of weight in the last 5 years, so hopefully with her as an example I will also be able to reach my goal soon.

In the financial aspect of our life we are doing great, this year we’ve paid off several credit cards and we are doing the best we can to get out of debt completely by the end of the year. This isn’t a huge post, nor it contains great revelations. But I guarantee you that its brevity bears no weight on how happy and exciting this year has been. I have an amazing family and cannot wait to see what God has in store for us this year.

The purpose of the new blog was to make myself more accountable to myself (psychotic, I know).  Point is, I didn’t do it…AND let me tell you why it feels great.  It’s something I just didn’t feel like doing and, so, I didn’t.  Sweet surrender, lol.  Maybe I’ll work on it later or maybe I’ll just say whatever I want here.  Anyway, I’ll give the plateau one more week before I cry.  ;)

As corny as it may sound, I’ve been referring to this whole ordeal as my weight loss journey.  For those of you who know me, you know that I’ve been overweight practically my whole life.  So for some, the weight loss journey is short and quick but for me, the end is nowhere near.  I have 84 more pounds to lose and given my current rate, it will take me about one more year to reach the finish line.  It’s slow and it’s grueling but I truly believe this is the ONLY way to get this weight off and keep it off.  This is a lifestyle change for me…not a fad diet or a quick fix but a set of mini-goals that will take lots of hard work to accomplish.  I truly believe that by making an investment this big (no pun intended…hehe), I can’t fail.I’ve had a million hurdles to jump during this journey.  First it was my diagnosis of high cholesterol, which out of embarassment I kept as a secret up until, well hmm, pretty much right now.  Then something happened with my ankle that makes exercise painful and it has yet to be diagnosed.  After primary care doctor and physical therapy, I’m now on to a specialist.  Still no one knows what the deal is.  Then there’s all the emotional stuff.  I struggled around the 20 pound loss mark with whether or not I deserve to be thin.  Then I quickly realized that being healthy is not something that one “deserves”.  I wondered whether or not I was losing my identity as I had always described myself as a “big beautiful woman.”  With the help of my husband, I disassociated weight and identity pretty quickly.  But all these things have tormented me and they have, at times, impeded the progress.  And I say once again…the reason why this weight is here is my fault and it surely didn’t get here over night.

Most people are just now starting to notice my weight loss, which has been motivating but it’s taken a lot of poundage reduction to get to this point…lol.  I’m sure that phrase is not a word but whatever.  I told my friend Tatiana the other day (it’s important that I preface with the fact that she is very skinny), anyway I told her that if she lost 10 pounds people would notice immediately but when I lost 10 pounds, no one noticed at all.  It’s similar to a mound of sand.  If there are 15 grains of sand and you take off 5, you notice a difference but if there are 1500 grains of sand and you take off 5, no one is the wiser.  You see my point now, huh?

Now for an excerpt from my fatsecret.com journal.  A little advertisement for those of you looking for some help losing some of those holiday pounds. 

I am oh, so proud of myself this week. I am 30 minutes away from getting my 4th workout of the week on. I FEEL so much better. My ankle hurts like hell but my energy levels are up and I am feeling very motivated. I just wrap that bad boy in an ace bandage and go on about my business. I have noticed that my appetite has increased slightly with all the exercise but I’ve been pretty good about staying close to my RDI each day. This morning as I was driving in to work thinking about my clothes, old pictures, how I feel, etc. I made a decision that I am no longer thinking of myself as a “big girl” anymore. Now, yes, I am definitely still a “chunky girl” but I am feeling good about myself and the way I look right now. I even stared in the mirror and wondered if I should stop here. Of course I’m not though. Because I remembered that my goal for this was never to look good, it was always to FEEL good and LIVE a long life. But the LOOK sure does feel good.

Thus I continue down my path. Why didn’t I travel sooner?

 Thank you ALL for all your support, patience and understanding (especially you, Ali).  You all make it so much easier.  It feels good to share.  It’s my personal project but the progress is not something I can hide.  I love you guys.

Remember me here?

45 Pounds Down

In a fit of anguish we decided that this year everyone would get something, but we made a point to make the gifts more sentimental than material. We went to Sears and took several photos in the studio, bough a few frames and got to work. See everyone in my side of the family always complains about the fact that they don’t have enough pictures of Quincy or enough pictures of us. Turns out that everyone loved their gifts, there were tears of joy in people’s faces and that made it all better. I love the fact that we were still able to give everyone something although small, it was very valuable to them.

On the other hand, although we were tight for money we made sure that this didn’t affect our baby. All the money we saved with the pictures we used to buy him all sorts of toys, books and movies. He had such a blast, everyone else in the family did the same. Our Christmas Tree was filled with gifts for the kids from top to bottom and all around, everyone delivered and that was an awesome feeling, because no matter how tough the times get, the children should never be made aware of this.

On the night before Christmas Santa came to visit us, he spoke to each kid and gave them all toys. The joy and emotion in the kids face was priceless. None of them had ever seen Santa Clause and having him there to feel and touch was an amazing experience that I am sure will last for many years to come.

That night after the kids went to bed wed set out to pull out all the gifts and arrange them around the Christmas tree so that in the morning they would wake up and be marveled.

The next morning when the kids woke up they were ecstatic, Quincy ran over to his brand new toy box and giggled like a school boy. They spent the major part of the morning opening presents and after they were done we headed out to Granny’s house  (Annie’s Grandma). We spent some time with her, took her gifts and I sang some Christmas Carlos with my guitar.

At 6 pm the family got together in our house to enjoy dinner and share with each-other, it was an enjoyable Christmas with a few kinks but we didn’t let anything ruing it for us. I love Christmas and can’t wait for next year.

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My latest complaint – Quincy is getting too old too fast and I can’t keep up.  I was talking to my good friend Kathy Westberry today (she actually married Jose and I for those of you who don’t know), anyway, I was talking to her today and we were talking about our babies as we normally do.  She was telling me about all the cute things her kids used to say when they were younger and I was telling her about Quincy.  And we started talking about how we save all of these ridiculous things that are sentimental to us (e.g. the button that Quincy swallowed and subsequently pooped out, etc).  I started realizing that I have all these things but they aren’t very organized.  I started a scrapbook when he was a newborn and it only made it through his first bath but there are different things tucked all in the pages for me to SOMEDAY finish it.  Yeah, I need to do that like yesterday.  The pile is only getting bigger.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about last night when I put him to bed.  He was so tired and kind of cranky.  We did our usual bedtime routine, which happens every single night and is, without a doubt, the best quality time that we spend together on a regular basis.  Normally Jose comes along too but last night was kind of busy so it was just Quincy and I.  I read him the little golden book “The Story of Jesus” and then tucked him in and sang the 4 songs that we sing everynight:

• Alphabet song
• Twinkle, twinkle little star
• Papa’s song – “Los Cochinitos” or “The little piggies” in english (which is some weird song that I think Jose’s mom made up when he was a kid)
• Mama’s song – “You are my sunshine” (a song my grandma used to sing to me)

He asked for “sunshine” first and fell asleep before I could even get through it.  I sat for a few minutes on the floor next to his bed and stared at his facial features.  For a slight second, he looked almost as he did as a newborn.  He was curled up in the fetal position and in the darkness he even looked smaller.  I rubbed his back and wished that I could freeze this moment forever in time so that he would never grow older.  I wondered again how I could possibly love this little boy so much.  I wondered again if I could love my next child just as much.  Then amidst all my thinking something funny happened – he snored.  lol  And I giggled because I remembered that he can’t be a baby forever and I really don’t want him to.  That funny little moment would have never happened if he were still a tiny little baby.  And if that were true, I would never get to hear the sweet sound of “I wuv you, mama” or the fun we have with him trying to learn the art of the aim in potty training.  It is pretty fabulous, you know?

Now, about that scrapbook… 

4 weeks old

8 weeks old

As soon as we stepped off the plane, the first thing we saw was slot machines (big surprise, eh?).  Then on to Caesar’s Palace.  Jose, of course, didn’t want to sleep even though it was technically 6:30am our time.  So we roamed about the city for a while and found an awesome casino with a steak and eggs breakfast for $5.99.  Shortly after we walked like zombies back to our hotel room.

The first day in Vegas was pretty exciting.  I had two whole days to spend alone in the city.  I walked the entire length of the strip and back, getting lost in casinos all day long.  I did a few things for myself and did a little shopping.  Both days were about the same.  The slot machines were fun but at times I only stopped to play them because they were practically the only place to sit in the city, along with dinner tables and toilets.  The most exciting part of those two days were the following: 1) I could go where ever I wanted without compromising with anyone 2) no car seat in tow and 3) ME-TIME.

Together we did all the cool, touristy stuff like the Bellagio Fountains, the mini-Eiffel Tower, gondola rides, buffets, museums, shows, etc.  But by the time Thursday rolled around, we were running low on the savings we built up for the trip, which only made it worse because we kept convincing ourselves that if we spent just 5 more bucks, we could make more money to build up the vacation budget.  HA!  That, my friends, was dumb.  Don’t do this.  And so we were ready to get back to home sweet Jacksonville, where there are park benches, post offices, drug stores, and groceries and where there are NOT roulette tables, $40 a person buffets, dry skin, and guys on the street flicking business cards at you with naked women on them.

All in all, it was fun and I’m happy we did it.  But let me give you a word of advice – a week in Vegas is too long – 3 or 4 days would be just about right.  Unless, of course, you have plenty o’ cash to waste on gambling, hookers, shows, buffets and tipping.  In that case, ROCK ON!

Ah, Vegas, you were fun for a short time, my dear.  Fortunately we will never see each other again.  lol  ;)

Tonight while Jose was in class, I put my baby boy to bed.  As I was singing the usual to him (“You are my Sunshine”), he drifted in and out of sleep.  I rubbed his unruly hair and soft skin for a while and I promised him out loud that I would never let “bad, bad things” happen to him.  Of course, I can’t protect him from the typical kid stuff like being teased in school or losing a friend, or whatever but I can certainly protect him from many of the things that I witnessed and struggled through as a child.

I contemplated that for a while.  Doesn’t every parent want to do this?  Isn’t it the goal of every parent to prevent or fix the things that went wrong in their childhood and to stop those patterns from being applied to their own family.  Well, if that’s true, by now, shouldn’t we all be perfect parents?  I mean man has been in existence for more than enough generations to have perfected it.  My God, how does this keep getting messed up.  Of course, this is all relative to my life.  It could be that you live in a completely normal family, at which point you are staring at the screen saying “wth is she talking about?”  If this applies, I would advise you to please comment and tell me how your life has been normal so that I can be sure to replicate that (I mean it when I tell you that I am NOT being sarcastic here).

Anyway, I am striving for a boring, normal life.  Oblivion is fine with me and I don’t mind explaining the gist of the really bad things in life to my son but I don’t want him to live and breathe them.  I don’t want him to know them first-hand.  Call me crazy, naive, whatever you wish.  I experienced some things as a child that many people will never experience in their whole lives.  And in some cases, it seems that there are constant reminders everywhere of those experiences – everyday almost.  Not trying to give the sob story but it’s the reality of why I have to find a way to make sure I never hear my son make that statement as an adult.  Not to mention all of the rest of the scary stuff that happens in the world (just look at Jose’s last post).  I really hope I don’t screw this up and become the mom that never lets her kids do anything.  But this fear can be paralyzing…

Being a parent is definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had.  Can I get a “amen” or what?

They should know that she’s one of the most loving little girls in the whole wide world. She doesn’t know a stranger,” Diena Thompson said of her daughter, Somer. “And if somebody has her, please just bring her home. Read More…

As a father I could not stop thinking about what happened and somehow I knew they would find her but it would be too late. Just 5 days before she was taken another abduction attempt was made in the same neighborhood but luckily the little girl got away safely. I feel so terrible for Diena Thompson (Somer’s Mother), she didn’t do anything wrong she dotted all the I’s and crossed all the T’s but her little girl was taken nevertheless. I imagine how powerless she must feel, how angry at herself and the world. Who can blame her? The world just took her little girl and no one has yet been held responsible, but even if someone was it won’t change the fact that Somer is gone.

Yesterday while I was freaking out over this, I continued to think that perhaps if there had been a way to locate Somer at all times this would have not happened. I went on the Internet to find out of such a thing existed and I ran across several options which I think would be great (in theory)

The one that I found to be most useful is https://www.amberalertgps.com/ 

Introducing the new Amber Alert GPS 2G.  The world’s smallest, most powerful GPS tracking device.  Tracking your child is as easy as placing a call or sending a text.  Simply place this device in a pocket, purse, backpack or car, or attach to a wrist, ankle, or belt.  Call or text the AAGPS device, and within seconds you’ll receive a detailed map and address of their exact location right on your web-enabled phone.  You can also track one or more devices from your computer.

This device provides all the capabilities I would want while being relatively affordable.

The only problem I find is that it is a removable device, that is the predator can remove it from the child at any time and then it becomes obsolete. Over the past few years I have continually advocated for GPS implants being made available for kids, the technology exists and in my opinion it would make a lot of parents sleep better at night. Unfortunately there is a great deal of people out there that oppose this method citing several factors like privacy and security.

The main argument is that by doing something like that you would be infringing in the privacy of your child because now you are able to know exactly where they are at all times, I am sorry but can someone tell me what in the world is wrong with that? He is my child I provide for him, I am responsible for him and his well-being I find it completely reasonable that I be allowed to monitor where he is in order to keep him safe. Once he has reached adulthood he is free to walk into a clinic and have the chip removed.

I believe that this technology would greatly improve the odds of kidnap victims being found and rescued in time, I would dare to argue that if Somer had something like this with her she would have perhaps been found in time. We have lost several children and there is no need to loose any more. We can find a way to make something like this work so that we can all lead healthy lives while being able to provide and take care of our children. I don’t know about you but if this technology ever becomes approved I will save every dime I have to ensure my child has it.

The first time we went Quincy was 1 year old and just sat around and fell asleep on my head while walking

it was an enjoyable trip for Annie and I but it felt  like Quincy was bored and didn’t really understand what was happening

We took him there several more times since with a similar result, sometimes he enjoyed himself for a while, but for the most part he would cry and act annoyed.

Yesterday when we awoke the day was gorgeous and the temperature was just right, so we decided to give it another try. We got up, got dressed and headed out to the Zoo; the whole time Quincy was screaming, so excited about our trip. He would said “I wan go the zoo!!!!!!” .

This came as a surprise for us since he never cared about it before. We got there sat him on the stroller and started our long walk around. I expected him to get annoyed or cry as soon as he got bored, but to my surprise he was very attentive, even asked to be taken out of the stroller so that he could see better and literally spent the whole trip on my shoulders.

We saw the Elephants, Zebras and Giraffes; Quincy knew all the names and pointed them out, he would call out “Hewo Elephant” or “I wove you Giraffe!”  It was a very exciting trip and it showed me just how much out baby has learned over the last year.

He now talks a lot, his vocabulary has expanded exponentially and has even learned to conjugate verbs and use tenses correctly. He is growing so fast! It is hard for me to fathom that only a year ago he couldn’t talk or communicate with us, and now he is at the Zoo calling out animals and having “adult” conversations with us. I look forward to taking him to the Zoo more often  and I hope that he continues developing the interest he showed for the animals and for learning.