Chunky Chick

This blog is a little different from most.  I wanted to write a little about my weight loss.  I’ve been at this now since July.  Everyday has been spent carefully documenting how many calories I consume and how many calories I burn with exercise.  With the exception of a vacation and a few holidays here and there, everything has been recorded on a website.  It takes a lot of time and dedication to do this, which has put a lot of things in my life on hold (i.e. continuing my Masters degree, learning the piano and sometimes even laundry).  To date I’ve lost 46 pounds.

As corny as it may sound, I’ve been referring to this whole ordeal as my weight loss journey.  For those of you who know me, you know that I’ve been overweight practically my whole life.  So for some, the weight loss journey is short and quick but for me, the end is nowhere near.  I have 84 more pounds to lose and given my current rate, it will take me about one more year to reach the finish line.  It’s slow and it’s grueling but I truly believe this is the ONLY way to get this weight off and keep it off.  This is a lifestyle change for me…not a fad diet or a quick fix but a set of mini-goals that will take lots of hard work to accomplish.  I truly believe that by making an investment this big (no pun intended…hehe), I can’t fail.I’ve had a million hurdles to jump during this journey.  First it was my diagnosis of high cholesterol, which out of embarassment I kept as a secret up until, well hmm, pretty much right now.  Then something happened with my ankle that makes exercise painful and it has yet to be diagnosed.  After primary care doctor and physical therapy, I’m now on to a specialist.  Still no one knows what the deal is.  Then there’s all the emotional stuff.  I struggled around the 20 pound loss mark with whether or not I deserve to be thin.  Then I quickly realized that being healthy is not something that one “deserves”.  I wondered whether or not I was losing my identity as I had always described myself as a “big beautiful woman.”  With the help of my husband, I disassociated weight and identity pretty quickly.  But all these things have tormented me and they have, at times, impeded the progress.  And I say once again…the reason why this weight is here is my fault and it surely didn’t get here over night.

Most people are just now starting to notice my weight loss, which has been motivating but it’s taken a lot of poundage reduction to get to this point…lol.  I’m sure that phrase is not a word but whatever.  I told my friend Tatiana the other day (it’s important that I preface with the fact that she is very skinny), anyway I told her that if she lost 10 pounds people would notice immediately but when I lost 10 pounds, no one noticed at all.  It’s similar to a mound of sand.  If there are 15 grains of sand and you take off 5, you notice a difference but if there are 1500 grains of sand and you take off 5, no one is the wiser.  You see my point now, huh?

Now for an excerpt from my fatsecret.com journal.  A little advertisement for those of you looking for some help losing some of those holiday pounds.  😉

I am oh, so proud of myself this week. I am 30 minutes away from getting my 4th workout of the week on. I FEEL so much better. My ankle hurts like hell but my energy levels are up and I am feeling very motivated. I just wrap that bad boy in an ace bandage and go on about my business. I have noticed that my appetite has increased slightly with all the exercise but I’ve been pretty good about staying close to my RDI each day. This morning as I was driving in to work thinking about my clothes, old pictures, how I feel, etc. I made a decision that I am no longer thinking of myself as a “big girl” anymore. Now, yes, I am definitely still a “chunky girl” but I am feeling good about myself and the way I look right now. I even stared in the mirror and wondered if I should stop here. Of course I’m not though. Because I remembered that my goal for this was never to look good, it was always to FEEL good and LIVE a long life. But the LOOK sure does feel good.

Thus I continue down my path. Why didn’t I travel sooner?

 Thank you ALL for all your support, patience and understanding (especially you, Ali).  You all make it so much easier.  It feels good to share.  It’s my personal project but the progress is not something I can hide.  I love you guys.

Remember me here?

45 Pounds Down

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